This made me laugh

I think it's because they count on their fingers.

 

It saves public money. Less paint in a 1 than a 0.

Our local council replaced all the double aluminium passing place signs with double sided plastic ones to save money..... (true. Couldn't make it up.)

 

Our local fire station has a brand new fire engine! They are keeping the old one though. Saving that for the false alarms....

 

If you get caught masturbating on a plane, can you be prosecuted for hijacking?......

 

Apparently, aluminium signs are being stolen for scrap.......which may explain the plastic......

 

Did not know that... I wonder if the council weighed them in? Sensible reasoning though, which when coupled with the words 'Highland Council" is worthy of being in the joke thread.

'Cough cough' nice thick alli too, great for making brackets with.

 

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I'll give you a clue.

 

Not the wife’s shade of lipstick and what did she think that that gear stick was?

 

They make very good sump guards, so I am told

 

An old ad.

 

The effects of lockdown in Ireland...

 

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!"
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his fucking widow."

 

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These new reading glasses are rubbish........

 

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