This made me laugh

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After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.

 

My wife apologised for the first time ever today.

She said she's very sorry she married me!

 

Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages.
Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup.

 

Who can drink two pints of petrol without feeling sick? ... Jerry can!

 

"Romanes eunt domus"?

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news...-reveals-oldest-christian-graffiti-on-chalice

 

Without looking, I guess it says People called Romanes, they go, the house?

 

It says "Romans, go home."

 

Aaaaah, Beaker. It's all "Me, me, me", with him, isn't it?

 

The garbled nonsense Latin from Monty Python ......

My favourite linguistic cock up was a John F Kennedy speech at the Berlin Wall. He said, in a spirit of unity, “Ich bin ein Berliner!” - best translated as ‘I am a doughnut’. He should have said “Ich bin Berliner”. Those pesky indefinite articles creeping in But, hey, they understood, right?

 

He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

Follow the gourd! No, follow the shoe!!

Blessed are the cheesmakers

I'll stop now....

 

As long as you don't take the micky out of my friend Biggus Dickus

 

Incontinentia Buttocks [his wife]

 

I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus gonna gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?

 

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