This made me laugh

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About 35/40 years ago I went to the supermarket and returned to my car with a few bits. I noticed a woman having difficulty starting her Austin Maxi. After a few minutes she went to the boot, got a gallon can of oil out, lifted the bonnet and topped the oil up. Then she tried to start the car again. Well guess what, it didn't start. So I approached and offered my help. I lifted the bonnet and checked all the plug caps etc and found a loose connection to the distributor cap so I pressed it in and got her to turn the key and it started.
She then asked me what it was so I showed her and she said "it can't have been, my husband's just done all them. I just walked away.

 

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter...

 

Dominic Cummings is bringing my pressies so I'll be all right.

 

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