This made me laugh

When I was a 16 yr old diesel apprentice, one of the mechanics tried to send me for a box of tappet clearances. If the other fitters hadn’t have laughed I’d have gone for them.

 

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one **** of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and depressed.
He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, “That's what I need... A new suit.”
He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I'd like a new suit.”

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let's see... size 44 long.”

Joe laughed, “That's right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fits perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked “How about a new shirt?”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”

Joe was surprised, “That's right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.”

Joe tried on the shirt and it fits perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let's see... size 36.”

Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one **** of a headache.”

 

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb? 189... Proof....

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...
... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
3 standards zealots to point out that light bulbs have been deprecated in the LB 2.1 spec
1 to call upon everybody to ignore this deprecation
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

 

Course you would have, we all fell for them we were knownowts back then!!

 

Aye along with the most common one a tub of elbow grease or a box of sparks for the grinder

 

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You forgot about the one that would bring up the question of what grade of oil is best for a lightbulb change

 

Funnily enough I’ve just changed a lightbulb in the garage

let the debate begin

 

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

 

Check the date of tweet. Be careful what you wish for I suppose....

 

Well that went well.....