This made me laugh

if you can’t beat them....

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
NACHO CHEESE!

Badaboom!

 

There could be trouble ahead...

 

A bit of tarmac from the motorway being built down the road went into a bar and asked for a pint of lager. Two minutes later another bit of tarmac walked in and sat next to him on a barstool and also asked for a pint of lager.

The second bit of tarmac said to the first,

“Where do you come from then?”

He replied,

“I'm from the motorway”

“Bleeding ell, you must be really hard to bear all that traffic especially heavy lorries”

“Yeah pretty hard, where do you come from then?” asked the first.

“I'm from the slipway” replied the second.

“Well, you must still be hard to bear all the traffic coming on to the motorway”

At that time a third bit of small tarmac entered the bar and tarmac #1 and #2 leapt off their stools and ran like hell towards the door.

The barman who was clearing glasses at the time stopped them and said,

“Whoah there, why the panic, he's only half your size?”

#1 and #2 both replied in unison,

“Yeah, but he's a cyclepath!”

 

I used to work in an orange juice factory but I just couldn’t concentrate!

 

A white horse went into a pub and asked for a pint of beer. The barman said: “We’ve got a whiskey named after you.” The horse said: “What, Dobbin?”

 

/

 

Are they mods or rockers?

 

Just paid £25 for a three-mile taxi ride to the launderette. I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners.

 

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