This made me laugh

No jenny....I'm goner wear a twat suit

 

So .......you sell Sort of kebabs?

 

There was a time when being stiff in the morning was a good thing

 

A man is feeling terrible and goes to the doctor.
The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.

It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live.

There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth..'
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.

Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.

They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320
Then he gets the full house and wins £5000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting £780,000.

The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,
'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card..
You must be the luckiest bastard on Earth!'

'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24'.

'F**k me,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the meat raffle as well !!

 

An Indian comes to The UK for 6 months to learn about other religions .At the end of the trip he goes back to his collage to do a presentation to his tutors on his findings .
The teachers ask him" well Sabrage what was your findings ( all speech is in Indian English )
Sabrage replies " Well sir. There are many many religions in the UK sir.In which I understand all but one sir".
What is this religion Sabrage in which you speak, asked the tutors

Well sir, they have a religion called Bingo.
BINGO!!!? what is this BINGO? Replied the Tutor.
"Well sir" replied Sabrage, "Many many people go to the Bingo Church and buy tickets, then the preacher stands and shouts many many numbers sir many many numbers . He keeps shouting numbers until someone in the church shouts BINGO!!! And everyone else mumbles Jeeesus Christ!!!!

 

A religion