This made me laugh

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I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

My next visit to the bathroom could spell disaster.

 

Vice

 

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two women and a man.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the women to a large metal door and handed her a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your husband sitting in a chair .... Kill him!!'

The woman said, 'You can't be serious I could never shoot my husband .'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right woman for this job. Take your husband and go home.'

The second woman was given the same instructions. She took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet forabout 5 minutes.

The woman came out with tears in her eyes, 'I tried, But I can't kill my husband .' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your husband and go home.'

Finally, it was the man’s turn. He was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' he said. 'I had to kill her with the fucking chair!'

 

Oh my she is so brave, she is working without any PPE that is so dangerous.....

 

With social distancing DD, the best you’ll get is a spattering of knuckle-glitter!

 

Lady goes into Glasgow cake shop.
Lady: "is that a cream cake or a meringue?"
Shopkeeper: "Naw, ye're quite right missis: it's a cream cake."

 

Wow, that graph does sum it all up remarkably well, @David Cooper!!