Rant of the day

Same in my garage too, bloody screwdriver always disappearing, always a bloody screwdriver, missus says I amlosing the plot

 

I have been known to look for a screwdriver I had in my other hand but let's just keep that between ourselves nobody else needs to know
Andy

 

Vegitarians!!
Sat down this lunchtime in the office cafe area, next a rather beautiful young lady.
I said hello and got a smile. I unpacked my tupperware box containing last nights leftovers, a lovely prime piece of medium rump steak, sliced into strips and a short length of baguett.
I look up and the expression on her face is priceless, pure horror and disgust, she was staring at the medium cooked steak slices like it was cat puke, she promptly grabbed together her quorn, rice cakes and humus and said she couldn't be sitting next to someone eating flesh as she was a vegitarian and I shouldn't eat meat as it is murder!
I replied with "well if we are not meant to eat cow, why is it so tasty". She quickly moved to another area.

So I bit into my succulent pink cow flesh sandwich, and it was good.

Not so much of a rant, but if she hadn't tried oppressing her views on me I wouldn't have given the reply I did.

 

Ok picture the scenario.....2 weeks ago I am in an 8 x 6 shed with doris and a shelf containing 4 boxes with bits in, there are 2 push bikes and a bag of rags.
I have a ratchet spanner in my hand, part of a Halfords pro tool kit, I tighten the rear indicators using said spanner, put said spanner down to replace seat, replace seat and find my allen key and replace allen bolts to hold seat in place, notice right hand rear indicator is not lined up properly so need to loosen nut to rotate indicator slightly, reach down for said ratchet spanner, you remember? the one I put down 5 mins ago? well said ratchet spanner has become a myth!! But the only problem with this myth is that there have been no false sightings or anything, shed, boxes bags have been emptied, seat has been removed incase I left it under there, nada!
Now I know many of us have been in this position but which little shed troll knicked me spanner and what ransom do I have to pay to the little F%$*ers to get it back

 

no need for teeth you just suck on em they'll last all day. those honeycombs'll have your fillings out too

 

Well that told me,

 

Cheers Smilin,

 

I am with you Dozer, it is so wrong.

 

Where I used to work we had a chef who was nearly sacked for a comment he made to a Muslim customer, when asked if the meat was "Halal" he replied it`s beef we only do "halal on Thursdays, but I am sure the bread is halal"

 

My rant this morning is the same cock socket at work that makes more or less the same dunderhead statement every morning before I ride home. "Nice morning for the bike eh? I`ll have my heater on in my car ar 2. Maybe 3"

If it's drizzly or raining it's a variation of the same shitty theme.

 

Does he make his living as a stand-up comedian then?

He'll go far - soon please.

 

I don't do rants, honest. But my little quibble is I'm getting a bit miffed with politicians and intellectuals telling me I voted for Brexit because I've been left behind by "globalisation" and I was misled by politicians who lied to me about the advantages of a Brexit (like 350 million quid for the NHS). Well NO.
1. I want Britain to be ruled by the British.
2. I want to control our own borders(even if we let 1 billion chinese in it would be our decision)
3. I don't believe what any politician says.
They are the fundamental reasons why I, my mates and about seventeen million others voted for Brexit.

 

Do some research on his car and model, learn where the fuse is for the heater and then show an interest in his car. Ask to see the car and be intrigued by the controls and creature comforts and when he is not looking remove the fuse lol

 

Now THAT would be funny !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I would even go further, i would follow him in his car and every time he was stationary queuing in traffic i would pull up beside him and comment about the traffic and then ride off

 

Entering a town with a 30mph limit, i'm doing 30 then a great big sign flashes telling me to SLOW DOWN........

Slow down to what FFS ???....... 25...20... 8....

 

Muppets who approach a green light and begin to slow down just in case it turns red !!!!! WTF is that all about, do you want to be stopped ??? I see a green light and I'm booting it before the bugger changes, not trying to get held up.

Happened to me twice in the last week, only for the lights to change to red and we had to stop.

 

Maybe they wanted to stop so they could have a right good pick of their nasal passages ?

 

Rant:
Barstewards who throw the contents of their picked nasal passages over their shoulder onto my visor