Rant of the day

LOL yes. I was at work, they were at play.... the demographic of people attending the events tends to be loaded with LGBTQ+ and folks with other issues. We try to be accommodating and inclusive, but sometimes there is a significant minority that are quite testing of my ability to tolerate idiots.

One example as to how detached from reality some of these people are.... I had a request from the carer of an individual...

Her: "The flashing lights in the disco are about to trigger his epilepsy can you do something about it?"
Me: "If he knows flashing lights trigger his epilepsy why the fuck is he coming into a disco?"
Her: "Oh, it's only the blue ones. I don't want to spoil it for everyone else, so can you turn just those ones off?"

 

FFS... blues lights cause a fit with me on my bike...

she should just buy some filter glasses, 400-495nm and low n’ behold, no blue is hitting his retina!

 

Strange, it usually asks for date of renewal somewhere (or date you want insurance to start from). Have you tried 0 months, 0 years?

Between £271 and £744, was there a big insurance claim or a serious misdemeanour? That's a bit more than the 40% increase my previous insurer tried to stick me with back in December (Christmas present or something?).

 

Just for a complete change of subject (some of these rants go on and on and on ).
Why do some people use the question mark totally at random? They stick it at the end of a sentence for no apparent reason, when the sentence is NOT a question. At first I thought it was just a mistake and they'd hit the wrong key but clearly it isn't. I understand that people with dyslexia have problems with spelling (even people without dyslexia have problems with spelling..it's 'you're' not 'your' but hey ho). However I have never come across this liberal use of question marks in the wrong place. The point of the ? is to clearly show a question is being asked, so please stop chucking it in when you are not asking a question. Simple really.

And just in case there are people out there that think spelling and punctuation aren't important, I used to read and check job applications. If there were a lot of applicants for a job then those with poor S&P were straight in the bin.

Now I'd better check this thoroughly for mistakes

 

Oops! - Did someone mean question mark rather than exclamation mark?

 

Oops someone did! Well spotted that man Now corrected.

 

I get that finger-nail-down-a-blackboard feeling when I see bad spelling and grammar. I admit that I'm not perfect myself, and have had to work hard at it over the years because my job involved writing technical/sales/proposal manuals & documents. A couple that wind me up are:

"Could of" instead of "could have"
Wrong use of their, there and they're

But, can't say I've the noticed the excessive use of question marks at the end of non-questions. Maybe I'm guilty (if so, much grovelling apologies), but I do sometimes put three at the end of a sentences when I want to indicate puzzled confusion on my part, e.g. Question marks at the end of sentences???

I'll look out for it in future. (So tempted to put one there just to be annoying, but have resisted)

 

Will be more careful in future?
OOPS???

 

Now how did I know that some people would take the piss?

 

Cos life is too short to give a shit

 

Check again. Think about it. If I was speaking, you would hear me, wouldn’t you? (Question Mark! It IS a question.)

However, some things are said interrogatively (in a questioning manner) without being a question per se or rhetorically i.e. needing no answer.

Sorry?

Sorry!

See? They don’t mean quite the same thing. The first could mean ‘Are you sorry?’ or ‘I don’t understand.’ The second is probably an emphatic apology.

So, punctuation and context both amplify understanding.

Understand?

 

Sometimes you can't hear the punctuation. This happened a couple of years ago (I wrote it down at the time because it amused me):

Out walking Tam the dog early this morning, on a well-worn route across fields that I've taken many times before. It takes us close to, but not onto, a track clearly signed "Private land, keep out". This morning, we came across a well-to-do looking man with two black Labradors. "Good morning", says I.

I heard him say, "Do you know your way off the track?", which I took to mean, did I know the way back onto the road, without going on to the private land, so I replied "Yes, I do, thanks".

What he'd actually said (and this is subtely different), was "Do you know you're way off the track?". A whole different meaning, giving my response (in hindsight) a certain working class impudence in his eyes. So he stated quite forcefully and aggressively, "You're on private land here, way off track. The footpath goes down the edge of this field. You're not supposed to come across here...".

Honestly, I didn't hear the apostrophe.

 

Reminds me of my Dad trying to buy garden twine some time in the 60s. Botsford’s Ironmongers, Hertford maybe 1968.......

“Do you have any garden twine?”

“No, sorry, we don’t stock it. No demand, you see. Funnily enough you are the third person to ask for it this morning.”

(It gets better)

“”OK. Do you have any common or garden string?”

“Er, no. We don’t have any common string but I think we’ve got the garden stuff.”

 

No ?

 

I guess your not very happy then, and you are going to switch suppliers...

 

Tesco use the O2 network which means you must have good O2 coverage so you would also have that option too

 

Have just been to the loo in a local hospital... just needed a piss, but this one happened to be a cubical type shitter, not a urinal. As I’m going about my business, it’s difficult not to notice the amount of pubic hairs all over the seat and floor... it’s like someone has shaved a Wookiee! What the FUCK is any bloke doing, clipping his short and curlies in a hospital toilet, and leaving it there for the enjoyment of anyone else going in there? The frigging worst thing was, this is a STAFF toilet... the bugger was at work!

 

Imagine it was the other way round and you were sticking your pride down their throats... I bet they’d be spitting feathers!!!

 

Maybe that's how your Staff toilet was covered in pubes

 

Brilliant ya daft sod
I nearly choked on my coffee