Rant of the day

There was a news report where a man pulled one out of his ear - yeuk

 

Happened to me years ago, trying to fix a mates aerial. I’m in this ancient attic and somehow get a spider in my ear, his old man had to hold me down while they poured warm water in my ear to get it to come out. I can still feel it wriggling even now. No it never had time to lay eggs, and yes when it was screaming it was drowning there was an echo

 

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,
That wriggled and wiggled and tiggled inside her;
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a bird;
How absurd to swallow a bird.
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a cat;
Fancy that to swallow a cat!
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady that swallowed a dog;
What a hog, to swallow a dog;
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a cow,
I don't know how she swallowed a cow;
She swallowed the cow to catch the dog,
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse...
She's dead, of course!

 

What's that on the wall behind you.......?

 

I’ve got four dogs and four highland coos. The dogs are definitely faster.

 

I’ve got a spider story too.
When I was an apprentice, working on electrical sub stations, my boss was terrified of spiders. There were loads of big ones in the stations so I found a big one which had died there.
Next morning tea break, as the apprentice, I’d made brews for all the lads and everyone was sat in our little brew room with tea and toast reading the newspapers.

Anyway, Brian the boss was sat with his feet up reading the paper swigging his tea when he suddenly leapt up shouting, tea everywhere, red faced and then chased me out of the brew room threatening to kill me.
I’d glued the dead spider in the bottom of his mug and as he got to the bottom of his brew the legs were revealed! He saw the funny side in the end, though he never made me make his tea again.

 

Not sure I've got the energy for a rant... But, always question your insurance. Half way though my policy, 9+ years ncd change bike they want £157 for remaining 4 months. Legit companies on Bike insure will do £111 for full year. After being told Bikesure can suddenly tuen £157 into £66 inc admin fee. Total phone call lasted 3 mins.

 

A pantomime horse.












Oh no it wasn’t!

 

A horse...fly

Leading back to Verse 1

 

I stayed in Dubai for while a good many years ago....
One of my parents friends had a bump on her head hidden under their hair line, gradually got bigger
One day brushing her hair and it burst with hundreds of baby spiders running through her hair.

 

A couple of years ago - I was working in a house and a teenage boy was standing in the room holding what I thought was a teddy bear. Not wanting to draw attention to this - I carried on working. Only then did I notice it was the biggest spider I had ever seen. He had a Goliath bird eating spider - body the size of a dinner plate. I told him to put it back in its vivarium or he could tell his mum why her appliance had not been fixed.

 

That's the type - imagine seeing one not 3 ft away. Scared the sh1t out of me..

 

Nowt wrong with spiders
They make lovely pets

 

Couldn't sleep then DD?

 

Oh dear
You’ve just described me

 

You are happy with a gay rapist then... you didn’t mention them?

 

Well I'm married to a Jehovah's Witness and I identify as Trans Slender so I'm going to be sharing your bunk room matey !