Quotes You Like, Or Rules To Live By!

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Thankfully only one poisonous one @Big Sandy

 

My Dad (a Yorkshireman) always used to say to me "hear all, see all, say nowt". Sadly I've not always followed this sound piece of advice. I tend to speak my mind in a blunt fashion and I've upset a lot of people along the way.

 

Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men

 

My dad wasn't a Yorkshire man, but used to say the same... But, there was more.

"Hear all, see all, say nowt.
Eat all, drink all, pay nowt.
And if you do owt fer nowt,
Make sure it's fer yoursen."

But ol Fred, a guy I used to work with said...

The wise old owl he sat in the oak.
The more he saw the less he spoke.
The more he spoke the less he heard,
We should be like that wise old bird.

 

Now see, I allus think of this when I hear the word tortoise.

 

Cheshire born and Cheshire bred.
Strong int arm, weak int head.

 

Fuck Them All!

 

PMSL!!!

Saw Mike Harding in concert in Harrogate many years ago (early/mid eighties) and my sides hurt with laughing so much. He was relentless!!!

As far as I know it's YORKSHIRE born, YORKSHIRE bred etc.!!!!!
Got enough trouble with bloody Lancastrians without those posh sods from Cheshire getting involved!

On a similar theme:- Geordies .... they're not very bright but they can lift heavy things!
And before you Tynesiders start, I was told this by an actual Geordie living in Yorkshire, so it must be true!

 

He's the only person I ever saw get a tune out of a condom. Theatre Royal, Hanley... Early 90's. Had the audience laughing their bits off one minute, then in tears the next. It wasn't long after he brought out "Bombers Moon", there's some sad stuff on that.

He's just as funny now. I think though, the "Cafe Gungha Din" has always been a favourite of mine. "eh, Sabu, dust do curries in 'ere?...."

Oh, yeah... Cheshire and posh.... There's Alderley Edge posh, and Stalybridge not so posh. Or Stalyvegas they call it nowadays.... Alcopopville. (apparently. I thankfully haven't been there in 40 years!)

 

Words of wisdom from my dad, I never got a handle on the trees don't move statement -

Only go as fast as you can stop

To go fast you gotta go slow

If your going to do something stupid that kills someone it better be yourself

The car owners don't like it when you bend up their equipment

It's a single seater, god isn't with you so you better know what your doing

If you got a $10.00 head buy a $10.00 helmet

When you get to the end of the straight and you hit the brakes but the car doesn't slow kill the ignition and don't stop turning the (steering) wheel. If you don't hit the wall keep racing.

Trees don't move.

 

To finish first, you must first finish.

It's easier to ride a slow bike fast, than it is to ride a fast bike slow.

When the checkered flag drops, the bullshit stops.

When in doubt, power out.

Nothing wrecks better than a rental.

 

Trees don’t move... you gotta be the one to hit them... and when you do, they don’t move again!

 

StalyVegas fizzled out about ten years ago, it's just shit hole Stalybridge again now.

 

Some things never change!

 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

 

Only sure thing about life is that it kills you in the end.

 

If things don't change they will stay as they are

If they stay as they are they certainly won't change

 

Never run with scissors.

 

My grandad used to relate a tale of an old Lancashire farmer who was subjected to the close attention of the law and altered a popular saying to suit... (as I couldn’t remember it exactly, I was happy to have found a copy on line... bloody marvellous thing this interweb)

God made man - man made money;
God made bees - bees made honey;
But the divel his-sel made lawyers and ‘turnies;
And placed them at U’ston and Dawton in Furness!

(Ulverston and Dalton in Furness)