Favourite Insults...

There is a tree over there working very hard to process the oxygen you are consuming. I would suggest that you owe it an apology....


If they could do brain transplants I would want yours.... ....It’s brand new! Never been used!

 

No need to repeat yourself . I ignored you the 1st time" .

"You are fat so I won't sugar coat it, you would probably eat that as well" .

"Two wrongs don't make a right . ask your parents" .

"You are the reason the gene pool needs a life guard" .

"Don't you just love nature despite what it did to you" .

"There is a glass full of shut the fuck up on the table . Have a drink".

"Some day you will go far I just hope you fucking stay there ".

 

When ye were born they hoyed the wrong bit away
If beauty's only skin deep you were born inside oot
Got a face that would scare lipstick back doon the tube

Ah those Mackem lasses !

 

Wouldn’t that just make them normal ?
Round and smelly in your case

 

some crackers from the master

 

JCC, classic Manc. He's got a couple of cracking series on BBC Radio 4. Some on repeat atm.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09kr01w

 

I’ve listen to what you’ve had to say and chosen to ignore it

 

Another one ascribed to Churchill.

"Mr Churchill sir, you are drunk".

"And you madam are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober".

 

Of course I talk like an idiot,
How else could you understand me ?

 

.

 

I don't like the cut of your tweed, sir!

 

You’re about as useful as a chocolate fire guard

 

As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike,
but I believe Honda Goldwings actually have them lol.

 

LOL I was offered a duel once. The former secretary of our gun club had had to relinquish his firearms license due to not only being on breach of its terms, but he then posted photos of the occasion on the Internet! Because it was me who told him he was an idiot he assumed it was me that dobbed him in to the police, and he did the who slap in the face with a glove thing (and he was quite serious about it!)

I did manage to keep a straight face and offered him sniper rifles at 1000 yards by way of satisfaction. He was a pistols man, and he's seen me shoot rifles at that kind of range - and he didn't fancy his chances. Seeing his anguish in front of everyone (he'd made the challenge in public), I offered him an alternative - balloons on sticks at two paces. While I didn't tell him that my balloon was going to be sellotaped to a baseball bat, he couldn't bring himself to do the whole balloons at dawn rigmarole and an apology was forthcoming! No duel.... Which to be honest is very much the way forward!