This made me laugh

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So, young Andy goes to see a lawyer and tells him,
“My neighbour borrowed £300 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?”
The Lawyer asks Andy, “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?”
“Not really,” replies Andy. "I thought we were good enough friends and trusted him."
"I see, says the Lawyer.
“Okay, then we will write him a letter, enclosing a stamped addressed return envelope, asking him for the £3,000 he owes you,” said the lawyer.
“But it’s only £300,” replied the man.
“Precisely, replies the Lawyer." "And that’s what I expect he will reply and then we’ll have our proof before taking him to Court!”

 

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Blimey - the turning circle will be about the length of Georgia State.

This is a picture of the groom.

 

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Which reminds me ...

Two Irishmen are hopelessly lost at sea and find a bottle. One of them uncorks it and a genie comes out.
"I shall grant you one wish for freeing me," says the genie.
"I wish the whole ocean was made of Guinness!" says the first Irishman before the second Irishman could intervene..
"Done!" intones the genie, and with a nod of his head, the water turns to black ale.
"You idiot!" screams the second Irishman.
"Now we'll have to piss in the boat!"

 

These two festivals need to become one

 

My wife's just been checking to see if she has everything ready for her first solo parachute jump tomorrow.
I said, "Have you got a spare pair of knickers with you?"
"What, in case I shit myself?" She replied.
"No." I said, "In case your main chute doesn't open."

 

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Watch out for the chuffin ice! (Non Tykes may need an interpreter)