This made me laugh

I went to an interview for a job as a human cannonball.



I didn't get the job. Apparently I'm not of the right calibre.

 

My partner bought me one of these - what's she trying to tell me??

Oldfart

 

You've met her??????



Oldfart

 

I forgot to mention... The previous bloke got fired.

 

what do you mean it is only Wednesday?

you bast#rd

 

Is that Andy Ruiz Jr after loosing his title back to AJ?

 

Room with a view?

oh! There it is

 

Every side street in Male is like this, they must have 10 mopeds per person!

 

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.'
So she unwrapped the package,
took one out and slipped it over her thumb.
She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.
It was empty. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
'Do these excite you ?' She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.
She then said it was time to slip the condom on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown.
'Did you put that condom on ?' she asked.
I said, 'I sure did"and held up my thumb to show her!

 

Police are on the lookout for a man, who has stabbed 6 people with knitting needles!
A police spokesman said 'he seems to be following a pattern'

 

I have two mates who had never met before. Just before they did meet last week I told them both that the other was hard of hearing.




They shouted at each other for ten minutes before they worked out I'm an arsehole.

 

I'm so old. My first app was a

 

They went bust in 1984 when your iPad looked like this.......if you could afford one.



With hindsight the software was incredibly primitive......and I still can’t encode!