This made me laugh

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A friend thinks he's got the body of a Greek god.


I explained to him the Buddha is not Greek.

 

Once when lost as a child, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents.
I said to him "Do you think we'll ever find them."
He said “I don't know kid - there are so many places they can hide."

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out of a window on the tenth floor.
So they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said "On your marks."

When my father wanted sex my mother would show him a picture of me.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library.
I woke up to find a blind man reading my face.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips - yet she won't drink from my glass!

I went for a walk in the park and some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

This morning when I put on my underwear, I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

I asked her if she enjoys a cigarette after sex. She said "No.. one drag is enough."

I got myself good this morning. I did my push ups in the nude but I didn't see the mouse trap.

A girl phoned me and said "Come on over there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

If it weren't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"
She said "No, I hate myself now."
She was no bargain either. She had pigtails under her arms.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I’m scheduled to jump off next Tuesday.

 

My kids keep laughing at me getting things confused as I get older.

I bet they won't be laughing at Christmas when there's no eggs under the bonfire!

 

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