This made me laugh

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Havit, Sep 23, 2015.

  1. Sprinter

    Sprinter Kinigit

    Aug 17, 2014
    6,029
    1,000
    uk
    Three bulls are standing around overlooking a field full of cows when they overhear the farmer tell one of the cowhands to get the trailer ready to pick up a new bull.

    The old bull snorts and says, "I'm a tellin' ya what, there ain't but fifty cows here that are mine and if'n that new bull thinks he's a gettin' any of my cows, well, he's got another think comin'."

    The second bull says, "There ain't but 30 cows here that are mine and that new bull sure ain't get any of my cows."

    The young bull says, "There ain't but 10 cows here that even know me, but I sure ain't lettin' that new bull have any of 'em."

    A few hours later a tractor trailer arrives and the bulls listen as the air brakes let out a whoosh, then the trailer doors open and and the gate lowers what has to be the biggest, meanest, orneriest looking brahma bull they've ever seen. Great big hump on his back, huge horns, froth dripping from his jowls as he stamps and paws at the ground.

    The old bull says, "Ya know, I've been thinkin, it's mighty selfish of me to keep all them cows for myself, I might just part with a few of 'em to be neighborly."

    The second bull says, "Ya know, I'm thinkin the same thing, no need for me to keep all thirty of them cows to myself, gets to be a mite tiresome."

    The young bull lets out a huge snort and starts stamping and pawin' at the ground, raisin' a huge ruckus.

    The old bull says, "Woo boy, what's a matter with you? Don't you know that new bull will kill you?"

    The young bull says, "I'm just makin' sure that he knows that I'm a bull..."
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
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  2. MrOrange

    MrOrange Guest

    :dizzy: There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses - Ezekiel 23:20, New International Bible

    Google it if you don't believe !!!!!

    Wasted youth reading Escort and Mayfair, should have just read the bible !!!!!!!:laughing::laughing::laughing:
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
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    • Cheers Cheers x 1
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  3. MrOrange

    MrOrange Guest

    My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning,
    can you believe that... 2:30am?!:tired_face:









    Luckily for him I was still up, playing my bagpipes. :blush:
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
    • Face Palm Face Palm x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  4. stollydriver

    stollydriver Elite Member

    Apr 25, 2015
    2,053
    800
    north wales
    What - you mean there was writing! :rolleyes:
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
  5. Callumity

    Callumity Elite Member

    Feb 25, 2017
    3,358
    800
    Nr Biggar
    I quite like the put down at II Kings 18 V 27.
     
  6. Hydrophobic Membrane

    Hydrophobic Membrane Active Member

    Jun 7, 2017
    48
    28
    Dorset
    Fined?? FFS!!
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
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  7. MrOrange

    MrOrange Guest

    Screenshot_20170711-204252.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 6
    • Funny Funny x 5
  8. Hydrophobic Membrane

    Hydrophobic Membrane Active Member

    Jun 7, 2017
    48
    28
    Dorset
    More logical and ascetically pleasing than a twin IMO :heart:
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  9. GaryM

    GaryM It's him, you know who. Him from you know ....

    Apr 28, 2016
    862
    500
    Patna , Ayrshire
    • Agree Agree x 3
  10. DCS222

    DCS222 Guest

    • Agree Agree x 5
  11. Dougie D

    Dougie D Crème de la Crème

    Jan 30, 2016
    10,662
    1,000
    Blairgowrie Perthshire
    Three Atlantic Canada boys were all applying for the last available position on the St. John's Police Force.
    The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be cops, huh?"
    The three all nodded that they indeed wanted to be cops.
    The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.
    Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."
    So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the boy from PEI and withdrew it after about two seconds.
    "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
    The Spud Islander immediately said, "Yes, I did, he has only one eye!"
    The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
    The Islander hung his head and walked out of the office.
    The detective then turned to the second boy from Nova Scotia, stuck the photo in his face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
    "Yes! He only has one ear!"
    The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other guy? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
    The Bluenoser sheepishly walked out of the office.
    The detective turned his attention to the last boy, a hometown Newfie boy with a long family history in Newfoundland and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...."
    He flashed the photo in his face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
    The Newfie said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

    The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the Newfie with a puzzled e_xpression and said, "You're absolutely right!
    His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

    The Newfie rolled his eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, ... he certainly can't wear glasses."
     
    • Funny Funny x 10
    • Face Palm Face Palm x 1
  12. dilligaf

    dilligaf Guest

  13. Hydrophobic Membrane

    Hydrophobic Membrane Active Member

    Jun 7, 2017
    48
    28
    Dorset
  14. DCS222

    DCS222 Guest

    She had the composure to point, I thought it was brilliant
     
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  15. MrOrange

    MrOrange Guest

    • Agree Agree x 2
  16. stollydriver

    stollydriver Elite Member

    Apr 25, 2015
    2,053
    800
    north wales
    • Agree Agree x 2
  17. MrOrange

    MrOrange Guest

    This guy is looking for work. Unfortunately he got drunk in prison and his brother tattoo'd his face!!!! :laughing:
    It says DEVAST8.
    Screenshot_20170714-190331.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  18. stollydriver

    stollydriver Elite Member

    Apr 25, 2015
    2,053
    800
    north wales
    He now needs to grow a beard - a bloomin big one:eek:
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  19. MickEng

    MickEng Noble Member

    Sep 29, 2016
    1,805
    450
    West Yorkshire
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