This made me laugh

That's great!

We have a pit. I've had people ask what breed she is when I've been out walking her.

Answer:

An American Standard Shitsalot.

 

It's the Ides of March.

So, here's my Ides of March joke:

Marc Anthony is walking around Rome. He hears tell of a booth where a woman is selling strawberries. The chatter is about one particular strawberry of immense size. He finds the booth and there's a throng of people standing around admiring this gigantic strawberry. When he saw it, he decided he had to have it. Someone in the crowd says to him, "Look at it, isn't it amazing?"
Marc Anthony replies: "I have come to seize her berry, not to praise it."

Apologies to the Bard.

 

A late Ides of March joke.
Did you know any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough?

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

 

Thought I'd tidy up the garden now the good weather is here, I haven't cut the grass for ages. The mower is just sat in the shed looking forlawn.

 

I had an appointment with my optician last week but when I turned up he said he couldn't see me. I never saw that coming!

 

These kittens look tired.