This made me laugh

You left out thumb tax

 

Trump's map of the world.

 

A Man goes into a Bakers and asks for 2 Bread Rolls..??
The Shop Man picks them up with the Tongs and puts them in a Paper Bag,
He then asks for 2 Cakes the Shop Man picks them up with the Tongs and puts them in the Bag.
The Man says :-
"It’s nice to see you don’t Handle the Food"..
The Shop Man says :-
"Nothing in my Shop is Handled by Human Hand"..
He then noticed a Piece of String hanging out of the Shop Man's Trousers and asks :-
"What is that Piece of String for"..???
The Shop Man says :-
"When I need a Piss. I just pull on the String and it Pops Out"..
"That’s OK" Says the man.
"But how do you put it Back"..???
"That’s No Problem", says the Shop Man.
"I just Use the TONGS"..

 

Ever since this storm started the wife hasn’t stopped looking through the window.
If it gets any worse I will have to let her in!…

 

Rene' Descartes walks into the bar and a bunch of his philosopher buddies are there. They ask him if he would like to join them.
He replies, "I think not" and disappears.

Two chemists walk into the bar and the bartender asks what they are having. One says, "I'd like an H2O" The other says "I'll have an H2O too." He drinks it and dies.

 

There was a minor earthquake in NJ yesterday. The epicenter was in Paramus. At the precise moment the quake registered on the Richter scale, Chuck Norris was walking into a house and stomped the snow off his boots.

Coincidence?

 

Typical BMW