This made me laugh

After Christmas, a man goes to his doctor, who tells him he will have to go on a diet to get his weight down again.
“What you must do,” says the doctor, “Is have your meals as normal for two days. But then I want you to skip a day. After that eat normally for another two days and then skip another day. Keep doing that for a few weeks and you could lose half a stone.”
A few weeks later, the man is back and has lost four stone.
“That’s amazing,” says the doctor. Did you follow my instructions?”
“Yes” says the man, “and it nearly killed me.”
“From all the dieting?” asks the doctor.
“No,” says the man. “From all the skipping!”

 

That picture must be at least a decade old (judging by the current government)

 

When my wife refused to take the Triumph....

 

I heard on like that.

A woman is helping her husband and son sort things in the garage and bangs her head on a shelf. She runs to the kitchen to put some ice on it and sits down. The husband goes in to check on her and when he returns to the garage the son asks, "How's mom's head?" The father says, "Not that it's any of your business, but after fifteen years of marriage she's finally getting pretty good at it."