This made me laugh

In the horse choir, they were all warming up for the show and the Mustang chorister was listening to their exercises.
The Clydesdale’s deep booming bass was resonant; the Hunter’s baritone was rich and smooth; the Jumper’s tenor and Arab Racer’s countertenor flicked up and down the scales with no effort; the Polo ponies sweet contralto bringing the mix towards treble; the Welsh Cob’s mezzo-soprano was lark like, reaching perfect highs; but the Shetland Soprano was weak, scratchy and faltering...
Shocked by such an unreliable and poor performance, the Mustang asked the Shetland what was wrong? The poor Shetland replies “I’m sorry boss, I’m just a little hoarse!”

 

DCS - ignore DD and keep the MiltonJONES-esque one liners coming. I've been a huge fan of his for a LONG time. It's an acquired taste but, once you have it .........................

 

@Adie P don’t worry, @Dozers Dad loves my jokes really... last time he threatened me with a teaspoon in one ear and a teabag in the other, I just said do you think I’m some kind of mug?

 

You can’t scare me like that, you’ll see I have the guts!!!

 

Nope. Sorry. Quite apart from being extreme, the charge of crime against comedy can't be sustained as Milton JONES is very definitely up there with the best; and the charge of good taste is - well - personal.

I'd suggest that you mount a comedic counter attack and maybe we'll have a vote on who gets the best one liners posted within a specific time slot?

 

That looks so wrong.

 

I fancy a good long bike ride this week. I'm told that Barnard Castle is very nice at this time of year....

 

Never buy a border collie after a wine tasting session...

 

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse.
Shortly afterwards, she told him she was pregnant.
Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.
He replied,
“Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of the expenses.”
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and said:
“Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.”
The doctor said,
“Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack.
Paramedics rushed him to the ER.
The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.
He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti; two with meatballs, two without.”

 

Yes we do have standards here you know

 

I was waiting to see who would comment on that! No....they're not me man boobs ...they're me knees!

 

"Ride! Ride. Ride this you fat fu3ker"

 

What a beautiful smell. Sent, I meant sent. What a beautiful sentiment.

 

Very low standards....

 

https://imgur.com/gallery/lzhh6E3