Head Gasket Gone????

Hi mate
As D D said sounds like a gasket gone unfortunately
Depends on your mechanical knowledge and confidence really wether you try yourself or get someone else to do the job for you
Give it a go you might surprise yourself and enjoy it

 

Yeah and you might find one that reads Chinese

 

If your coolant hasn't dropped and there is no oil in it you may just have condensation in the oil do you do lots of short runs which won't evaporate the water in the oil (boil it off) I had a 900ss Ducati which was terrible for milky oil (air cooled) it looked like I'd filled it up with man fat

 

Sounds like a plan

 

Agree !! Sounds like the route to take and I hope all is ok for you, If not and you decide to tackle it yourself take it slow and easy follow the manual and try and keep a plan of all bits and bobs removed bolts etc, Take any bodywork out of the working area for safe keeping until time to re-install.
GOOD LUCK

 

And take plenty of pictures so you can refer to them if you are unsure upon rebuilding.

 

Before you do anything else, change the battery for a new decent one then take the bike for a reasonable ride. You say the oil is gloopy but is that just in the sight glass?
If so, 100% it's condensation. A good long ride will burn it off.

 

Now there's a good excuse to go for a long ride!
This was very common in old cars (and by old I mean my bright orange Avenger GT) - short runs to work and back resulted in a good dollop of "mayonnaise" forming under the rocker cover.

 

Personal experience of commuting, oil goes gloopy especially in winter. Multiple bikes did this. Short starts-run-stop won't help. You've not said how it doesn't start, does it turn over and not fire or does it not turn over at all? Also how much gloopiness? Is it just in sight glass or all over the filler cap too? So many questions. As the others say I'd ride it get it hot, head off is last resort. Good luck