This made me laugh

Most of the terms including shirt lifter were never used face to face... If you think a Medic would hurt you , don't even consider what grunts or trail apes would do to you ! You'd skip merrily past the medics straight to A & E I would think.
Transport corp's was : bush taxis (RACT : Royal Australian Corps Transport or RA Cars & Taxis)

 

A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1 : 00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,...........'Ma'am,I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight......let's pretend that we're married'

'Wow!......................That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied................'Get your own f...ing blanket.'


The End

 

December 14, 1972

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a
Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times
for thinking of me this way.

My love always,
Agnes
================================================
December 15, 1972

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle
doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just
adorable.

All my love,
Agnes
================================================
December 16, 1972

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such
generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist,
you've been too kind.

All my love,
Agnes
================================================
December 17, 1972

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough.

You are being too romantic.

Affectionately,
Agnes
================================================
December 18, 1972

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for
every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those
birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,
Agnes
=================================================
December 19, 1972

Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my
front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge.
Where will I ever keep them? The neighbours are complaining and I can't sleep
through the racket.

Please stop.

Cordially,
Agnes
================================================
December 20, 1972

John:

What's with you and those freking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind
of joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop
the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny.

So stop those freaking birds.

Sincerely,
Agnes
================================================
December 21, 1972

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the heck am I going to do with 8 maids a
milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but
they had to bring their darn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I
can't move in my own house.

You must think you're really cute...please cut it out.

Agnes
================================================
December 22, 1972

Hey Bonehead:

What are you.....some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And
let me tell you, do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids
since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and
they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do?
The neighbours have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours !

Agnes
================================================
December 23, 1972

You rotten jerk:

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call them ladies.
They've been playing around with those pipers all night long. Now the cows
can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shite.
The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the
building shouldn't be condemned.

I'm calling the police on you !

Agnes
================================================
December 24, 1972

Listen you asswipe,

What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maid and ladies? You've
turned my home into a brothel. Those pipers got incredibly drunk on the egg
nog, ran through the maids. All twenty-three of the birds are dead.
They've been trampled to death in all the ruckus.

I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious bastard.

You're sworn enemy,
Agnes
================================================
December 25, 1972

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which
you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The
destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our
attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale
Sanatorium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight.

With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Happy Holidays,

 

Medical fact if women drink 2 glasses of wine each day there's a chance of a stroke. If they drink the whole bottle there's a chance they'll suck it aswell.

 

I've just hear about a new sex position called the 'Parcel Force'.
You can stay in all fekin day and nobody comes

 

Story in the mail on line today, a bloke got fined £90 for this!
He put these and other 'rude words' up after the water shed, so no kids should see it but still got complaints to the police!!
Now, this did make me laugh out loud!

 

The way of the modern world I'm afraid chaps. Even at work people are walking around on eggshells because someone will go out of their way to be offended.

 

All part of the big brainwashing agenda, the more people fight amongst themselves the more big business uses government to push through their consumerism plans :-(

 

Had a couple of tea-leafs in my early RAF service.
As above 'summary justice' was doled out by his 'mates' and this usually put the miscreant back on the straight and narrow closely followed by a completed 'Gen App Transfer Request' which only needed his monika on the bottom.
One barrack block arsehole who was real cocky tw&t was taken outside for a one-way conversation with the SNCO and somehow managed to fall down the fire escape a couple of times, even today it's still a mystery how he managed it twice.
It even happened when I was in the RAuxAF.
I had to have a 'chat' with a bloke as the SNCO I/C of the section. I calmly and quietly 'suggested' that he should consider his options:
1, Foxtrot Oscar somewhere else.
2, Face charges.
3, Suffer the wrath of his peers after the following days 'morning prayers'.
Pleased to say he chose Option 1.
It has been said many times that I have a wonderful way with words.

 

for your entertainment

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2Sc8IK/:hj!$1sYp:nnSe.eMH/radio.garden/live

 

The Wife was having a go at me. "Life's just one big joke to you, isn't it."
"I don't know what you mean. Sit down, luv, and let's talk about it."
That's when I pulled her chair away.

 

http://www.wimp.com/a-father-tries-to-teach-his-son-the-right-way-to-live/

 

Watch till the end