This made me laugh

Hi Dozer, you are smart enough to be an honorary Drongo , as yes it was the Mangoes who thought they'd be smart and call us Drongo's. They are a smart intelligent bird. So we happily took it on the chin !!!

 

Teacher in front of the class asks the students to make a sentence that contains the word "fascinate"
Jenny pipes up saying "we went to the science museum and I was fascinated"
Good, says the teacher but the word I want is "fascinate"
Simon says, "I watched a programme on wildlife on tv and it was fascinating.
Nearly there, says the teacher but the word I want is fascinate.
Little Johnny says " my aunt has a beautiful pink cardigan with ten buttons on it, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!

 

Ah yes, my Incpot come to mind!

 

On a slightly different theme.
Reminds me of the guy coming home early one day and catching a bloke in bed with his wife.
Husband rushes down to his gun cabinet and comes back upstairs with a loaded double barrel shotgun.
'Right you bastard, I'm gonna shoot your balls off'
'Oh bloody hell, give us a chance mate' says Casanova struggling to pull on his boxers
Husband replies, 'Swing em'

 

Well, I would have been a Mangoe. Or our UK equivalent according to some was a `grunt`. To us they were just a PONTI (Person of no tactical importance) or REMF (rear echelon mother fucker). It was all just banter. Many a time standing freezing and soaking wet I wished I was a PONTI.

 

Christmas. That time of year guys where the Police are shit hot checking with breathalysers. Last night I had a couple of beers and was having a great craic with my pal when he knocked open a bottle of Lagavulin. Ended up pissed steaming drunk so decided not to drive and took a taxi. Sure as fuck the Police were out and as I was in a taxi they waved me on as the bastards checked the other cars. I arrived home without incident which surprised me as I have never driven a black cab before and I can't remember where I got it from.

 

Obviously some translation issues between UK and Aus regarding military trades nicknames
In the UK
Pongo's or Brownjobs = Army
Swabs/Swabys or Fish heads = Navy
Crabs or Bluejobs = RAF

In the RAF you had
Stackers - Stores (from Blanket Stackers)
MAMS - Mobile Air Movements who got you on air transport when you were Fnuked Up, Fed Up and Far away from home.
Gunners - RAF Regt
Shinies - Admin bods who sit around all day shinning the arse of their pants
Lumpy Jumpers - Female RAF personnel because they have lumps in their jumpers
Heavies - Ground equipment fitters (that's what I was originally)
Sparkies - Electricians
Scopies - Air Traffic Radar Bods
Spooks - Intel (that's what I did for 20 + years as a Reservist)
Pigs/Plods - RAF Police
Fairies - Avionics techs
Sooties - Engine tech
Sumpies - Airframe fitters who service fuel tanks
Dumpies - Armourers who worked in the bomb Dump
Zobs - Any of the commissioned persuasion
Grow Bags - Air Crew of whatever rank
These are just a few, I'm certain the Aus military has just as many if not more

 

And I believe very bouncy ! Well in his case repeatedly , I estimate somewhere between 20 or 30 times before the inertia sustained from such a height finally abated !!!

 

Very similar to an incident that happened at Woolwich Barracks when I was there in the '70's, we kept having stuff disappear from our lockers even though they were locked, then we caught 1 of our own coming back when we were out training and un-screwing the back of the lockers!!
Thieving scrote!!
Sargent said it would save him a lot of paper work if we dealt with it 'internally'. i.e. us, and some how he got all his fingers caught in the karsy door, including his thumbs, he could never explain how he got his arse covered in Parade Gloss black Kiwi boot polish, or his strange hair cut!!
Strangely he took up his option to leave before 6 weeks, and I've always dealt with things my self since when-ever I can, yep, the army taught me that!!

 

1. THE WIFE WAS COUNTING ALL THE 1p'S AND 2p'S OUT ON THE KITCHEN TABLE
WHEN SHE SUDDENLY GOT VERY ANGRY AND STARTED SHOUTING AND CRYING FOR NO
REASON.
THOUGHT TO MYSELF "SHE'S GOING THROUGH THE CHANGE."


2. WHEN I WAS IN THE PUB I HEARD A COUPLE OF DICKHEADS SAYING THAT THEY
WOULDN'T FEEL SAFE ON AN AIRCRAFT IF THEY KNEW THE PILOT WAS A WOMAN.
WHAT A PAIR OF SEXIST PRATS . I MEAN, IT'S NOT AS IF SHE'D HAVE TO
REVERSE THE BLOODY THING!


3. LITTLE JOHNNY IS SITTING IN GEOGRAPHY CLASS WHEN THE TEACHER ASKS
HIM, "WHERE IS PAKISTAN ?"
HE REPLIES, OUTSIDE PLAYING WITH PAKI-DAVE.


4. LOCAL POLICE ARE HUNTING THE 'KNITTING NEEDLE NUTTER' WHO HAS STABBED
SIX PEOPLE IN THE ARSE IN THE LAST 48 HOURS,
BELIEVE THE ATTACKER COULD BE FOLLOWING SOME KIND OF PATTERN.


5. BOUGHT SOME 'ROCKET SALAD' YESTERDAY BUT IT WENT OFF BEFORE I COULD
EAT IT!


6. A TEDDY BEAR IS WORKING ON A BUILDING SITE. HE GOES FOR A TEA BREAK
AND WHEN HE RETURNS HE NOTICES HIS PICK HAS BEEN STOLEN. THE BEAR IS
ANGRY AND REPORTS THE THEFT TO THE FOREMAN.
THE FOREMAN GRINS AT THE BEAR AND SAYS "OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU,
TODAY'S THE DAY THE TEDDY BEARS HAVE THEIR PICK NICKED."


7. MURPHY SAYS TO PADDY "WHAT YA TALKING TO AN ENVELOPE FOR ?
PADDY REPLIES - I'M SENDING A VOICEMAIL YA THICK SOD!"


8. JUST GOT BACK FROM MY MATE'S FUNERAL. HE DIED AFTER BEING HIT ON THE
HEAD WITH A TENNIS BALL.
IT WAS A LOVELY SERVICE.


9. 19 PADDIES GO TO THE CINEMA, THE TICKET LADY ASKS "WHY SO MANY OF
YOU?"
MICK REPLIES, "THE FILM SAID 18 OR OVER."


10. AN ASIAN FELLOW HAS MOVED IN NEXT DOOR. HE HAS TRAVELLED THE WORLD,
SWUM WITH SHARKS, WRESTLED BEARS AND CLIMBED THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN.
IT CAME AS NO SURPRISE TO LEARN HIS NAME IS BINDAIR DUNDAT.

 

I heard some sad news today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous. He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves. What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

 

Hi OnlySon, one of the explanations for the term grunt is very derogatory ! Goes like the GRUNT - General Recruit Unfit 4 Normal Training. Remembered a couple of terms used in Aussie forces.

Ground sheet : female forces member
Shirt lifter : Medic ( male first aider )
Blank : new recruit. Untested. Unfired !
Puser : navy person.
Seagulls : air force. Most usually used for ground crew ( hanging around for the scraps)
Trail Apes : Artillerymen ( junior gunners )
Tinnies : Armoured
Spanners or monkeys : Corp of RAEME
Muppets : Junior leaders ( officer cadets in training )
Sprog : Junior trades trainne ( apprentice )
Fitters : cooks or catering corps.

There are many more been awhile and can't think of the more twisted and derogatory one's !