This made me laugh

It looked at bit like a Granada to me?

By Abundy uk - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2069561

 

3 month old Cortina.
All my press film was Ilford 125 or XP400 (fairly grainy) b/w, you could use colour for some commissioned shoots but B/W printed better in b/w news paper, bearing in mind they used paraffin based inks in those days.
Also, I had a dark room in my loft and could get a picture taken, develop the film to negative and printed in about 1/2 an hour, and from Southend into Basildon's Evening Echo photo desk in about an hour.
They would take the film and print from that, but I liked to keep the film for copy-right.
Good old Honda CB175 or MZ TZ 250 in those days!
Also had to beat another free lancer called John Hawkins who was a crafty bugger!!!!
I usually managed it, which got right up his hooter!
All this done on a Practica MTL3 or Pentax, couldn't afford a Canon or Nikon at that stage, a bit slow with screw thread lens changing though but I managed.

 

Errrrr wrong about what? I've only just got up/gone to bed.

 

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 quid?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the £50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 

'Involuntary Muscle Contraction'
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your arseholeis doing while you're having an orgasm?'


She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

 

Best bathroom signs - EVER !!!!

 

Students at a high school were assigned to read 2 books, ''Titanic'' and ''My Life'' by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following book report, with the priceless proposition that they were nearly identical stories.

His teacher gave him an A for this report.

''Titanic'': Cost – $29.99''
"Clinton '': Cost – $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.Clinton : Ditto for BillTitanic: During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton : Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton : Let’s not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn’t remember anything.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of Seamen.
Clinton : Monica.. Ooh, let’s not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary – basically the same thing.

 

There were two nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical(SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical(SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to make love to us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

A little while later...

SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!