This made me laugh

I would 'like' your post but I can't read it

 

This is Aberdonian humor, I managed to smuggle this out, only , you didnt get it from me.
Cant find the short version of this sketch so check it out from 7.55 if you dont watch it all

 

I was north of Aberdeen for about 7 years - this brought back some great memories.

 

Bloke walks into a police station and says he's looking for a job. The desk sargeant groans and says to his Super 'what shall I do? , you keep going on about better relations with the public...
Super says just ask him a couple of questions like in an interview...
So he says to the bloke 'whats 2 +2 ? . Four. 'ok whats the square route of 49? seven says the bloke . Hmmm thinks the ds, ' Who killed John Lennon?
Uhh Don't Know... Well says ds, go away and find out, thinking that will be the last he sees of him.
Bloke gets home and wife says 'Did you get the job ? Yes he says, and they 've already put me on a murder investigation!

 

Guy goes into a petrol station and asks the girl behind the counter "Can I have a Kitkat Chunky?"

Girl then lays it down and says "70p please". Guy then says "No, I wanted an ordinary Kitkat you fat bastard"

A family of 4 have been found frozen to death outside a cinema in Dublin. Apparently they had been queuing to see `Closed for the winter`.

 

Police in Ireland pull over an Audi Quattro and start to issue a warning to the driver for having too many people in his car. The driver explains that it has 5 seats so he's allowed 5 people but the Policeman insists that it's a `quattro` so there should only be 4. The argument continues with the driver saying this is ridiculous and insists to speak with the Policeman's superiors.
"I can't do that"says the policeman, "He's busy dealing with 2 people in a Fiat Uno.

 

Plan for tomorrow:

Get up, shower, shave, nice bacon and egg roll for breakfast, quick wank, get the tattoo done that I've wanted, head off to the casino for a cheeky flutter, couple of beers, Gammon steak and chips for tea, call in at the local topless bar on the way home, bed.

Well unfortunately I can't. I'm Muslim.

 

Bugger, I actually KNOW that person
The worst thing is that he works at a top secret ex-government nuclear plant not much more than 10 miles down the road from my home