This made me laugh

JUST SAW THIS, MADE ME LAUGH.

I've never had much luck with folding stuff,
I once invented a folding bottle and called it a Fottle, it didnt get recieved to well,
So i went on to invent a folding table i called the Fable, that went down even worse,
I did however realise it was time to quit after my 3rd invention the folding bucket.....

 

Police report finding a man's body in the River Mersey.
The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified.

The victim apparently drowned and was wearing black fishnet stockings,
a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a ‘Corbyn for PM’ T-shirt.
He also had a cucumber in his rectum.

The police removed the Jeremy Corbyn T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

In spite of what we sometimes think, the Police do care!

 

maybe this is a repost too






A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask

over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour,

surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a

partial sponge bath.



Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"



Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here

to wash your upper body and feet."



He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned

that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes

her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his

gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and

moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's

nothing wrong with them, Sir."



The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very

slowly,"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very

closely......

"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - back".

__________________

 

Little Johnny rode his bicycle to school everyday, one day he noticed his dad's car parked in a nearby field, so he rode his bicycle over to where the car was parked and saw his dad and his Aunt Cherie in a rather "strange behavior"

Not knowing what to think about this, Johnny started telling his mother about what he saw... she interrupted him saying "we should finish this at dinnertime when your father gets home"

At dinner that night, Johnny's mother asked Johnny.... "what was it you saw daddy and Aunt Cherie doing today???"

Little Johnny's response was.... "the same thing you and Uncle Bill do when daddy's at work..."

 

woman returns home with a huge grin on her face. Her husband asks "Why are you so happy?" She says, "I'm 45, but my doctor tells me I have the breasts of an 18 year old." "Oh yeah?", quipped her husband, "What did he say about your 45 year old ass?" "Your name never came up she said"

 

A man takes the day off from work and decides to go play a round of golf.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,

'Ribbit, 9 Iron.'
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears,

'Ribbit, 9 Iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, 'Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"
The frog replies,

'Ribbit, Lucky frog.'
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
'What do you think frog?'

'Ribbit, 3 wood.'
The guy takes out a 3 wood and, boom! Hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed the best round of golf in his life and asks the frog,
'OK where to next?'
The frog replies,

'Ribbit ... Las Vegas.'

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, 'OK frog, now what?'
The frog says,

'Ribbit, Roulette.'
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, 'What do you think I should bet?'
The frog replies,

'Ribbit, $3,000 ... black 6.'
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, 'Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'
The frog replies,

'Ribbit, Kiss Me.'
The man figures, why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

'And that, your honor, is how that girl ended up in my room, so help me God ... or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.'

 

German menu for Flammkuchen - which is equally funny in each language!

 

I went to see the RED ARROWS yesterday.
There were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement. Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.
It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, my wife finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show.

 

The Irish - Tone deaf spud faced chancers !!!