This made me laugh

I know a guy who is an airplane mechanic. I guess it's a standard joke amongst those types, but he said he has a 100% reliability record. No plane he's ever worked on has gotten stuck in the sky.

Then there was this:

WWII vet: "I am credited with fifteen downed German aircraft."

"Wow! were you an Allied fighter pilot?"

WWII vet: "No I was a Luftwaffe mechanic."

Then there was this:

True story. In high school we were learning about the Blitz. A kid named Harding said his mother was a British immigrant and she lived through the bombing of London. A kid named Buckhoffer piped up and said his grandfather lived through it too. Only he was in Messerschmidt.

 

After many years of using the BBC website for weather forecasts and finding them to be inaccurate so getting wet on rides when the forecast was for dry weather etc, I decided to change tack. I remembered a trick my grandmother used so I copied it. I hung two spoons on two pieces of string from the rafters in my garage about one inch apart. If they rest facing each other with matching faces, eg. two concave or two convex faces, the weather will be fine. On the other hand, if they face each other with non matching faces, eg. one concave and one convex, it will rain. I call them my weatherspoons.
People outside the UK will not understand this.
People in the UK will shake their heads.

 

I'm outside the UK, @andypandy. And you're correct. I don't understand this. But you've certainly aroused my curiosity!

 

I have a hospital appointment next week, I wonder if it'll be like this one?

WARNING..NOT SAFE FOR WOKE!!

 

Well here in the UK we have a very popular Pub chain which sells cheap beer and cheap food. They have outlets in most towns and several in each large town and city. They open long hours and start with breakfasts. That chain is called Weatherspoons.

 

The toilets at our local police station were stolen.

The cops said they have nothing to go on.