This made me laugh

G

 

I've got a John Deere mower. Is this a kit I can get to upgrade it?
It would be just like owning a Harley!

 

At the end of the cattle drive an old cowhand is in town and had just gotten paid. He decides to treat himself to a shave. He goes into the barber shop, but he's concerned that all the wrinkles on his weather-beaten face will prevent him from getting a good shave. "Not to worry" says the barber who retrieves two small wooden balls from a drawer. "Just stick these in your mouth against the inside of your cheeks. They'll push out the wrinkles for a smooth shave." When the barber is done the cowboy is happy with the results. As he's paying the barber he asks, half-jokingly, "What if I had accidentally swallowed the balls?" The barber says. "Oh, it happens. Do like everyone else. Just bring them back to me in a couple days when you shit them out."