This made me laugh

Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret, who is 75, looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert ... You should'a bought a hat!”

 

A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?"
"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
"I took a ride on a choo-choo."
"No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Johnny what he had done.
"I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
Johnny thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit.

 

Can't remember last time I laughed so hard as when recently watching the garage door come down and break off the plastic thing that holds the rear indicators and bits !!! Don't reckon the scrunching sound will ever be forgotten ! Yer just gotta,eh ? Mate turns up, looks at damage, raises eyebrow and mumbles, " ....ing ..iot " That hurt the most P/S, some of this tale is fictionalised ........ the laughing bit !!

 

Once, I managed to topple an 750 lb. cruiser on myself in the garage. I was pinned under the bike and against some shelving. I couldn't move. My cell phone was on the work bench just out of reach. It's a detached garage. My wife rarely goes out there in winter. I remember thinking "It'll probably be at least a week before she even notices I'm not around." She might realize there's not as much laundry to do. She'll just think I've run off. She'll find my skeleton under the bike when she comes out in the spring to get her gardening stuff.

 

hahaha !! character building stuff. Amazing how sometimes you can get that burst of superhuman strength / anger? for a second or two .. and don't feel the pain until later. Clipped the car coming in one night and the Sporty trapped a foot under the exhaust, along with a concrete planter stuck into a shoulder blade. Tried giving a quick course in physics to the boss about how a bike can be lifted a mere 1/2" so a (very warm foot by this stage) can be quickly extracted, not to mention the cramp in the back ! Not being a calm teacher when the student doesn't listen to good advice, she got told to piss off, get a blanket and coffee and I'd brave it out until morning. Well, she did .. except only listening to the first bit ... . Oh dear, oh dear .. um .. er ? "Sweetheart" .. nup, "Darling" .. same. What seemed like an age, but was probably only 20 minutes or so ..... crunch, crunch, crunch in the shingle by blokes in uniform !!!! "Oh shyte, silly thing has rung the coppers" Crunching stops, laughter laughterlaughter. " Need a hand mate? " Local Fire Brigade blokes. Bought them a case of beer the following week and had a good laugh with them.... and thanked Mummy- bear profusely !!!!!

 

Well, huh. I had no idea. I wonder if the penguins are aware of this.

 

The 1970's, when advertising had a certain style!

 

Crazy world that now its not PC. The world's crackers.....