This made me laugh

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, the answer was 'No!'
By now I was starting to smile.
'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, And loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, they all answered 'No!'.
I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven?'
A six year-old boy shouted out 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOOCKN' DEAD........

 

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I thought it already was.

 

I guess most will have heard of Tim Vine. He should leave his brain tomedical science when he dies 'cos his memory must be incredible!!

 

Waaay funnier and far less annoying than his brother

 

I totally agree. Whenever his brother comes on the wireless or the moving picture thing I turn it over. Can’t bear the idiot.

 

We replaced our kitchen countertop.

Turns out it's made of marble.

I feel terrible.

All these years I took it for granite.