This made me laugh

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...elt-owner-kept-sex-slave-days-fed-Viagra.html

 

....and they say crime doesn't pay! That salon will be the target of every horny burglar for 500 miles.

 

I got an Email this morning saying an elderly relative has died and left me a very valuable antique watch. I just hope it's not a wind up.

 

Sounds familiar. Through inheritance I am also in the possesion of a very valuable antique watch that has been passed on from father to first-born son through generations. But I intend to keep it.

 

Had to go to the Doctors yesterday and having stripped off he immediately mentioned the fact that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone...
I explained that it was a family trait and that we all had genitalia shaped like musical instruments.
He was amazed and said, “Well, in 27 years as a GP I’ve never seen anything like it, Having said that I do remember a woman coming in a few years ago and her fanny was shaped like a Mouth Organ”.
I said, “That’ll be Our Monica”.

 

.

 

Pegscraper said: ↑
I got an Email this morning saying an elderly relative has died and left me a very valuable antique watch. I just hope it's not a wind up.
Sounds familiar. Through inheritance I am also in the possesion of a very valuable antique watch that has been passed on from father to first-born son through generations. But I intend to keep it.


My family heirloom, a gold Swiss pocket watch in very good working condition along with accompanying chains once provided the time to the many guests who stayed at The Savoy Plaza Hotel in New York via a distant relative of mine, one of the Hotels first Doormen. Prior to that it had been around the world care of the Merchant Navy. I doubt it’ has great monetary value, but my father had tears in his eyes when he recently gifted it to me and my son has already been warned he’s next to take over guardianship. He’s also getting a Mulco wrist watch from my wife’s late father along with the damage it incurred during his service in the Parachute Regiment. It tiny in comparison to todays watches yet still keeps good time and I feel somewhat honoured whenever I have occasion to wear it.

 

At a local dairy farm the cows have decided they want better conditions and feed. They want the farmer to warm his hands prior to milking. They want the the right to organize.

They just want to be herd.

 

Should string him by his bollox

 

"What's the quickest way to Cork" ? I asked the Irish farmer.
"Are you walking or driving" the farmer asked.
"Driving" I replied
"Yes, that's the quickest way" the farmer replied