This made me laugh

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Excellent sir!

 

That’s today’s earworm sorted then.

 

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How penis dry their socks...

 

A man goes into the job centre desperate for work. He says to the Clarke, “I’m desperate, is there anything you can give me?”
The clerk says “There is a job opportunity at the circus. Try going down to the Big Top tonight and see if you fit in!”
”I’m on it.” Our hero states proudly.

That evening, he goes to the circus and speaks with the Ringmaster. Impressed with the keenest applicant he’s seen in ages, the Ringmaster sits him in a prime, ring side seat and instructs the man to watch the acts carefully to get a feel for what may be helpful.

As the show comes towards it’s close, the Ringmaster strides round with great pomp and ceremony and shouts out to the crowd “ Is there anyone in our audience tonight who feels they can put on a show as well as any of our stunning performers?” And as he does this, he tips a wink at the man looking for a job.

Needing no second clue, the man’s hand points to the sky’s in a sea of eager participant-dreamer’s hands. The Ringmaster, of course, chooses our budding performer.
”And pray-tell young sir, what your name might be?” He called.
”Gary the indestructible!” the man shouts out in glee...
”Well Gary the indestructible, tonight is your lucky night... and we will feature your debut performance... if it is stunning, we will offer you a 5 year deal of working in our service! But the audience must love you...” turning to the crowd, he shouts “WHAT MUST THE AUDIENCE DO?”
and the hugest response of the evening came back “LOVE HIM!!!” amidst cheers, stamping and clapping.

Gary is taken to the middle of the ring as a tumult of shouts and cries of support come from the men, women and children. The Ringmaster calms the crowd and struts around mid-ring, arms outstretched. “And what props does Gary the indestructible require for his performance?” He calls. Gary is becoming confident, and shouts out for all to hear “Bring me the stool that Jumbo the Elephant stands on; bring me Mungo the strongman; and bring me the largest mallet used for knocking the Big Tops tent pegs in with!”

These are all assembled within a couple of minutes, as the Ringmaster whips the audience up into a bigger frenzy. Gary the indestructible places the elephant stool right in the middle of the big top, and gives the big wooden mallet to Mungo. When he is ready, he gives the thumbs up to the Ringmaster. The Ringmaster brings the microphone to Gary as the audience settles to hush. “So you’re happy we are all set Gary, what will be your show tonight?”
Gary shouts out to the crowd “Tonight I will put my head on the elephant’s stool and Mungo, the strongest man in all this country, will swing the mallet with all his might onto my head!”

The Ringmaster can’t believe his ears “Are you mad?” He whispers “You’ll be killed!”
”You just keep the crowd going” said Gary “And I’ll worry about my part!”
The audience are calling out loud for Gary the indestructible now and the Ringmaster fears to be the reason to let them down. As Gary goes centre-stage and dramatically lowers his head onto the elephant stool, the Ringmaster nods at Mungo, who’s huge bronzed muscles shone in the big tops spotlights as he lifts the mallet. Turning slowly round to encourage the whole audience, the Ringmaster starts the count down.

”THREE!”
”TWO!”
”ONE!”

And Mungo swings with all his might. The result is disastrous, but not fatal. Gary is taken to hospital and put into intensive care in a coma. 6 months go by and the guilt ridden Ringmaster visits Gary everyday and slowly, miraculously, Gary seems to recover. Finally, the ICU Dr’s decide it’s safe enough to try and wake Gary up. The Ringmaster, who has been his only visitor over the last months, sits nervously in the waiting room, wringing his hands, knowing that this is a dangerous phase.

Eventually, a nurse comes into the waiting room and says to the Ringmaster “We’ve woken him up, he will still need a lot of rest and recuperation over the next few months, but if you like to come and see him now, it might help orientate him. Nervously, not knowing what to expect, the Ringmaster straightens his bright red jacket, puts his to hat to his chest and walks into the unit.
As he stands at the bottom of the hospital bed, Gary slowly opens his eyes and says...
”TAH-DAAAAAAA!”

 

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Nice to see Australia are now deporting criminals instead of importing them!