This made me laugh

I used to go out with a parachutist who had IBS

It didn’t last long, she shat on me from a great hight.

 

This morning I went to a meeting with my premature ejaculation support group

turns out it was tomorrow

 

It sounds like the clinic I went to for erectile disfunction. I waited for ages, but nobody came.

 

Don't worry, the others came on the bus earlier..............

 

Government announces revised plan for Leeds-London commuter line.

 

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That would explain the sticky seats.

 

Premature? For whom?

 

As would these…

 

I thought I'd put this on my farcebook page cause I thought it was hilarious. It got me a three day ban . I boke their community standards for promoting hate groups They do know Hitler is dead right ?

 

Interesting, is there any option to appeal?

I ask as was talking to a good friend who wouldn’t hurt a fly or do anything at all wrong. He managed to get a life time ban from eBay. Hasn’t got a clue how he got banned as they gave no reason or option to appeal.

Suggestions please…

All he could think was he recently

A) bought some motorcycling boots from Italy.

B) didn’t like them when they arrived.

C) listed them immediately in eBay to sell.

D) sold them to someone Italy.

E) purchaser (on receipt) noticed the box
said size 9 but the boots were size 10. Not my m8’s fault they were sent to him like that from the factory and he hadn’t event noticed.

F) m8 offered to refund the money and postage to send them back as he was shocked.

G) Italian chap says it costed £11 more than estimated to post.

H) This is where it probably went wrong - they didn’t know how to securely send money to cover expenses.to set up an eBay transaction for the £11 to settle the outstanding debt for return postage.

I) my friend get a very rude and impersonal message from eBay saying he let down the community and is now banned.

I’m guessing this looks like money laundering but they didn’t investigate or allow for explanations.

If he did something wrong it was because he didn’t tell the other chap to sod off but tried to be helpful - he wanted to make good for the mistake that was not of his doing ( it was the reputable manufacturer). This is a case (seemingly) of decent person screwed over by an algorithm of eBay. Tossers.

Hellllp…

I’m beginning to think the purchaser was the problem. The laundered £200 plus extra unaccounted shipping but against my honest friend.

 

As kids we had fun writing our name in the snow. The thought of taking down planes never even occurred to us.

 

https://youtube.com/shorts/wGz3SJe5d1w?feature=share

 

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Two dwarves get pissed in a pub. One says he’s feeling a bit horny so why don’t they go and visit a brothel for the night? They arrive at the brothel, choose a girl each and go up to their rooms.

The first dwarf can’t get a stiffy no matter how hard he tries. To make things worse all he can hear is his mate in the next room shouting “One, two, three, huh!” all night long.

The next morning they meet up. Dwarf Two asks how Dwarf One got on? Number one confesses he couldn’t get it up and is deeply embarrassed. Number two says “you think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t even get up onto the bed”.