This made me laugh

Flange

1) a projecting flat rim, collar, or rib on an object… such as the extra lip on a train wheel that helps to centre it upon the track.
“Hey Billy, use that flange to bolt the two pipes together!”
2) The external projection of the female genitalia.
“Hey Billy, that’s a fine photo of yer ma… but it’s all hair doonstairs, nae flange!”
3) A generalised term for ladies that look promising for successful coupling on a night out.
“Hey Billy, check oot the flange at the bar. I think I’ll get use o’ my grease-gun tonight!”

 

I think you'd be fired either way, to be honest.

 

So, this grizzled, old cowboy walks into the barber shop for a shave. But he's worried that all the wrinkles on his face from years out in the sun and weather will prevent him from getting a nice, close shave. The barber tells him not to worry. The barber takes a wooden ball, just a little smaller than a billiard ball, off of a shelf. He tells the cowboy to put the ball inside cheek that's being shaved to smooth out the wrinkles. Sure enough, he gets a nice close shave. The cowboy asks "What if swallowed the wooden ball?" The barber says, "Don't worry, you'll pass it in a day or two. Just bring it back like everyone else does."

 

true

 

Nature’s answer to cats, squirrels and magpies.

 

,

 

Smart dog. Not sure about the owner

 

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I wouldn’t have.

The person beneath me would have some sore fingers and headache from me kicking down on the hands and face.

Me and the lass would have survived.

Edit: Being frank, I can’t imagine a scenario where being caught dangling on a rope swing from a helicopter would ever happen. I think all of those idiots deserve to die.

Ooh - I’m harsh but honest.

 

I agree that it's an unlikely scenario: just an excuse for a parable about karma. Anyone who voluntarily dangles from a helicopter can't be the full shilling.

 

Saber tooth sparrow?

 

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer - and a mop.