This made me laugh

I didn’t mean to start it again.

SQUIRREL…

 

Of course you didn't.

Squirrels:

 

Wouldn’t mind giving ‘em a jab...

 

Whenever they have to give an injection these days, nurses seem to have been trained to say "just a little scratch" instead. I expect that they used to get too many rude replies from dirty-minded smartarses. (Present company excepted, naturally.)

 

I was in Asda yesterday, I needed some chocolate buns for a trifle base so I went to the corner where all the cakes are. There was a blond assistant about 40 on her knees opening a big box of buns ready to put on the shelf. As I looked into the box then at her she said " I bet you're going to ask me for something now I'm on my knees aren't you". What do you think was the first thing that went through my mind ?
So I just said "I could say something rude, but I won't". She passed me a pack of buns and I went on my way. She did laugh so she saw the funny side.

 

You were lucky she was a good-natured sort. Being frog-marched out of Asda by Security might have been embarassing....

 

What's in the bag? Handcuffs and a blindfold?

 

.

 

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day
of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did
it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that
you just served?"
The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls
testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on
vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per
day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next day, the American returned, placed his order, and then that
evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called
to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much
smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins!"

 

.

 

Enough to make me happy, that’s all that matters, right?