Pooh Sticks

So, as the NHS advice letter advised, my poo stick test kit was delivered yesterday. This year it is a little test tube with a stick in it rather than an envelope with three sticks in it.

Instructions say "Use a container or layers of toilet paper to catch your poo" - "Do not let your poo touch the toilet water".

Due to the difficulties in persuading and then arranging for one of the neighbours to catch my poo with "layers of toilet paper" I wondered if any of you 'over 60s' had any advice on how this bi-annual event could be made more fun or if you had any good ideas on how you carry out the operation.

For those of you that have not reached the ripe old age of 60 yet, you have to remember that once the pooing process has commenced there's not just one jobby that needs to be dealt with. Once started then there's no finishing until it's all finished. The fiddling around with sampling sticks only happens once the process is complete. It can prove to be a somewhat smelly operation.

Further advice given on the cover "collect sample by scraping the stick along the poo until all the grooves are covered" - "we only need a little poo to test - please do not add extra!"

This year will require stick scraping of the poo, an added complexity for this year's fun. I find it difficult to believe that some people were adding extra. The picture shows a massive stool hanging on the end of the sampling stick - how the fuck did they get that into the little test tube? where were they getting the 'extra' poo - from the garden or did they ask someone else to have a go as well?

Blimey, we go to all the effort of inventing flushing toilets and bidets so we don't even have to think about poo and as soon as you reach 60 you have to go inventing new ways of diving into it without a snorkel.

 

Oh I don't know, I think I might pull up a stool and see how it goes

 

Well, thanks for all the advice Chaps and Chapesses. I'm gonna dive in tomorrow with several of your more sensible suggestions and let you know how I get on. I may even get some photos if the neighbours will pose for me while aiding the process.

As these have to be posted back "in any Royal Mail postbox" I hope the postmen handle them with kid gloves as I'd hate for the sample tube to get broken. Imagine the distress for the neighbours. Laters All.