This made me laugh

It made me smile, reaching page 1334. This was my service number when I joined the police in 1977.

 

That's not funny or clever, it's just really sick. You need help.

 

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While riding my bike, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

 

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His business partner "Sam Short-Stick" wasn't so successful apparently

 

My boy wasn't sure about that, went eye to eye

 

Yes I think it was the Huskies ferocity that got Murphy's attention. Murphy was like WTF you try and steal my kong and it's gonna get serious!

 

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More likely you'll need to post the hours of the local morgue, DD.

 

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