This made me laugh

The UK's first bus powered by human waste has been involved in a 'near miss' in Bristol earlier today...
Accident investigators are examining a huge skid mark left on a bend...

 

How do you get a fat bird into bed ??
Piece of cake ...

 

A woman is pregnant with triplets,
She has the babies and all is well,
4yrs later the first child is at the toilet and shouts of his mum, "Mum Mum I've just been to the loo and a bullet came out" the mother explains when I was young I swallowed 3 bullets, don't worry.
A week or so later the same thing happens to another of the triplets and again she explains and said don't worry.
Two days later the third triplet shouts of mum and she immediately reply a, I know don't worry your at the toilet and a bullet has came out, the third triplet shouts "no mum I've farted and shot the cat!!!!"

 

A photon checks into a hotel. The receptionist asks his if he needs a hand with his luggage. The photon replies "its OK, I'm travelling light".

 

Shania Law? ... That don't impress me much.

 

Two atoms were walking down the street when one atom shouts 'I've lost an electron!'
The other atom says 'are you sure?'
The first atom replies 'yes! I'm positive!

 

and finally

I've just learnt that atoms have mass. Didn't realise they were all catholic.

 

And............................

 

Plus.....................

 

Hey, you watch what you say about my sister!

 

Nothing new here then? Was it Hebden Bridge?

 

Back in the day when you could buy a motorcycle boot that reached past your ankles

 

After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children ...

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem."

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1, 2, 3, 4, ?5,"

at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in New Zealand and in parts of Tasmania
sorry Wayne.

 

New Seat Belt law

This became effective Jan 1, 2016

The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly Designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95% when the belt is properly installed.