This made me laugh

A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!" One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died! The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!
Don't tell me you thought that Arthur became a fuckin' doctor .

 

where I live, if riding a motorcycle or bicycle you are allowed (legal) to stop at a red light, and then proceed even if the light is still red.

 

A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning.
He gets up early and, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.
As he is coming out of his garage rain is pouring down, it is like a torrential downpour.
There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
Minutes later, he returns to the garage.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel.
He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible".....
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit"....?

 

Had to go the Doctors this morning. Had to strip off, the Doc immediately mentioned the fact that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone . I explained it was a family trait and we all had genitalia shaped like musical instruments.He was amazed and said "Well in 25 years as a GP I've never seen nothing like it,having said that I do remember a woman coming in a few years ago and her vagina was shaped like a mouth organ" I said ........... "That'll be our Monica"

 

Isn't it strange how so many Formula One drivers past & present are named after Scottish towns?

Lewis Hamilton

Eddie Irvine

Stirling Moss

Johnny Dumfries

Ayr Toon Centre

 

Expose yourself to art

 

Or me. Preferably me.

 

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That's the new affordable Tesla - soon to be everyone's favourite

 

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