People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a frozen carburettor. Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a Scottish Motorcycle Patrol Officer came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect the mouth and face from the cold weather.. “What’s the matter? asked the Officer. "Carburettor’s frozen," was the terse reply. "Pee on it. That'll thaw it out." "I can't," said the biker. "OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The Officer unzipped and promptly warmed the carburettor as promised. Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving. A few days later, the local Police Station received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist. It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill......"
A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything... He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure. He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything. Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?" The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had .... Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees
Well, I guess we all now know YOUR heart's deepest desire, darkman. I just saw new bike, new bike, new bike, bike, bike, new bike.....
Eh, What? Edit: a face looking through the curtains? Hidden in the flowers? Edit of an edit: that isn’t a face. It’s the vase. It’s too well lit to be a face outside and too small to be in the room. The goldie colour of the ‘face’ also extends up beyond the flower. This means it’s a Chinese cone head imp - or something like that. Actually it’s probably referring to the troll hanging from the ceiling lol anyway all this is distracting me from her knockers!
