This made me laugh

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Yep marijuana is legal in Colorado, no long term effects, and HD's become crotch rockets as a bonus.

 

I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and sky. I left my shoes and socks there I wonder if they're dry?

 

Spike Milligan, wasn't it?

Here's another.....


Elephants are contagious!
Be careful how you tread.
An Elephant that's been trodden on
Should be confined to bed!

Leopards are contagious too.
Be careful tiny tots.
They don't give you a temperature
But lots and lots - of spots.

The Herring is a lucky fish
From all disease inured.
Should he be ill when caught at sea;
Immediately - he's cured!

 

This is just great

 

Dunno if this link will work but it’s wirth a go!

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/...arebar&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=sharebar

 

I thought it equally funny that they described Billy as a drunken Scotsman - as if there were any other kinds...

Edit: I would imagine there are some very confused analysts at Amazon HQ listening to that and wondering what the heck he’s talking about and how they might be able to sell him something - like elocution lessons!

 

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I first saw this video several years back. Found it again and it makes me laugh like crazy every time I see it!

 

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A 54 yr old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 34 years to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift,
liposuction and tummy tuck.
She even changed her hair colour

Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God,
she asked, "You said I had another
34 years 2 live.
Why didn't you save me from the truck?"

God replied :
"I didn't recognize you!

 

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one **** of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and depressed.
He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, “That's what I need... A new suit.”
He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I'd like a new suit.”

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let's see... size 44 long.”

Joe laughed, “That's right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fits perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked “How about a new shirt?”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”

Joe was surprised, “That's right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.”

Joe tried on the shirt and it fits perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let's see... size 36.”

Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one **** of a headache.”