This made me laugh

All very, very true

 

So true. I don’t exaggerate but all the kids I know have ‘problems’. When I was a youngster no-one did (or at least v few had issues we see today - and if they did have problems, they at least had the decency to keep it to themselves - just kidding Sandi T!).

As for my eldest, I just want to give him a good shake and tell him to grow a pair. Little buggers want everything on a plate and don’t give a damn about anything but get offended at everything...

 

You could add to that list that you walked in all weathers to get the bus to your first job til you could afford to buy your own moped ( with money borrowed from your mum that you had to pay back). With your wages you “tipped up” and paid board and lodgings, that didn’t harm you, then you paid for your own driving lessons when it was time to get a car, that you took out an expensive loan for, that didn’t kill you either.
Rant over.

 

Yeah but only with her knees

 

Ai - an' remember t'day you bought ta first whippet - made ya feel reet proud. Tell t'kids today, and they won't believe you.

Maybe this forum should be renamed the Grump Old Gits - the virtual home for the incurably cross.



Edit: Sorry - my real life impressions of accents isn't any better than that terrible written attempt...

 

@Ron Ashurst

 

Twat shouldn’t be limited to just the best me thinks!

 

What a cock

 

Hey Ron, be careful with the fireworks later

 

Sorry meant to attach the warning video that went with it Ron;

 

4th July. Got me thinking about aliens...

Thought for the day, isn't it funny that now everybody carries a mobile phone with an umptymillion pixel camera, you never see pics of alien spaceships anymore?

 

Two Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down, so they resort to hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them that he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the Scousers he has to leave.
The Scousers suggest that if they can manage to fit in the back with the 20,000 bowling balls, will he take them, so he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon and the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way.
By this time, he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies, with sarcasm, "Scouse eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this and wants to take a look. He opens the back door, has a peek, then quickly shuts and locks it. He rushes back to his cruiser and gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that he requires so many officers.
I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and they'e already nicked a motorbike

 

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

 

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)........................A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

Proper funny that, I’m still aching from laughter.

 

I went to the swimming baths the other day, and I thought I'd have a cheeky pee in the pool, so I did. Anyway, the lifeguard must have spotted me. He blew his whistle that hard I nearly fell in.

 

Chicken from Chinese takeaway: £5
Drink to go with dinner: £1
Getting home and realising that the takeaway forgot to give you part of your order ..... riceless

 

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.