This made me laugh

You got wood mate...

 

I've just received an email offering a £1000 prize in a fishing contest.....has to be a catch.

 

Scientists who were previously against genetic engineering have successfully crossed a sheep with a seagull.... They say it's a huge ewe tern.

 

A worker at a suite factory fell into a upholstering machine..... Bosses said though that he is now fully recovered.

 

Damn - I spent five minutes speculatively moving the phone screen side to side, wishing it would become holographic so I could see around that damn post...

Edit: her facial expression would have made Da Vinci knock Moaning Lisa out of contention in the early stages of choosing a suitably enigmatic model...

 

I need my eyesight tested

 

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One reason why I don't play Bingo

 

,

 

I have never watched the show, but isn’t that Mrs Brown? If so those drinks aren’t for anyone else...

 

Phew - what a relief he’s recovered, I thought he'd be stuffed...