This made me laugh

Every morning for 6 months, in the orthopaedic ward...

 

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Don’t be silly, it’s just a well preserved ancient Egyptian ceremonial milk container!

God, some people are so gullible. Hahaha an alien skull indeed! Duh.

Tell you what though, maybe these eco warriors have a point - that’s a 1 gallon high density polyethylene (HDPE) container which has survived 2000+ years unscathed!

No wonder all the indigenous Sphinxes died out!

 

Seems apt!

 

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A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed. They couldn't
do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk
home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a
gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of
chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry
his entire purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was
approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 43 Taylor Lane?

The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that
house. I could walk you there, if I can figure out how to carry this stuff.

The old lady looked the whole situation over, laughed at his predicament and
suggested, ‘Why don’t you put a chicken under each arm, put the can of
paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, and carry the goose in
your other hand?

’'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl
home.

On the way he says, 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.

We’ll be there in no time.’

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely
widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the
alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt and have
your way with me?’

The farmer said, 'Bugger me lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint,
two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up
against the wall and do that?

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket and put
the paint on top of the bucket. I'll hold the chickens.’

 

ROFL!

The reason she didn't know she was pregnant was because in proportion to her, the father's wang would be microscopically small - the equivalent of throwing a worm into an alleyway. Which, quite probably is where she was impregnated in the first place.

EDIT: fcuk me - that sounds snobbish and critical of others' lifestyles. These days we are taught not to judge, but instead to be tolerant, understanding, sympathetic, liberal and generally accept that people 'think and behave differently'. I apologise whole heartily to that lazy fat cunt and won't suggest she/he is stupid or infer any judgement on her/his girlfriend/boyfriend/non-binary partner. Anyone built like Mike Tyson who claims to be a petite female ballerina can carry on doing so - no sign of mental illness there at all, and if they are built like Mike Tyson, I wouldn't argue with them anyway. Even if they were wearing a pink tutu!

PS: Is the world fcuked up? I'm just not sure anymore what we’re allowed to think...

 

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Ditto my previous comments. No judgement from these quarters...

After all i’m only a middle aged white heterosexual male which these days makes me enemy #1. I have been disadvantaged by not having two same sex parents!

In all seriousness at a company event where the audience were allowed to ask questions of our leaders, someone actually asked ‘what are we going to do about middle aged white men dominating the work place’...

I quietly mumbled that we are actively seeking an autistic lesbian, single mother but whom self assigns as her child’s father, mixed race, transvestite with 30 years experience in quantum physics - who would prefer to work on a part time basis so as to work around school holidays and to have time to run their own business as a dog whisperer, eco warrior and activist for Momentum.

Until they find that person I think i’m safe..