This made me laugh

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Staring contest.

 

You been shaving ya legs mate?

 

Varnished my toe nails, too!

 

Seen this and thought of you singles today

 

An MP was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the MP "How about global warming, universal health care or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The MP visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care or the economy when you don't know shit?"

Then she went back to reading her book.

 

Who is Jack Schitt you ask? The lineage is at last revealed...as most people are at a loss when someone says 'you don't know Jack Schitt'.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt the owner of Knee Deep N. Schitt LTD. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple had six children, Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the identical twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Going against her parents wishes Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt a local college drop out. After being married for 20 years Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt married Mr Sherlock and as she wanted to keep her previous name she was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they had a rather timid son called Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers in a twin ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Horse and Byrd Schitt. Bull Schitt married Pisa Schitt in a whirl wind romance in Italy.

So now when someone says 'you don't know Jack Schitt', you can correct them.

 

Hahaha

 

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