This made me laugh

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"I have no words."

 

Spotting this really hot chick in a bar I went over and asked her name, "Carmen" she said, wow what a lovely name I said, "yes, I'm named after the two things I like the most, cars and men, whats your name? she said "Lagerpussy" I replied

 

The wife was in the kitchen the other morning cooking me bacon & eggs when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in I found her collapsed on the floor & not breathing. I had no idea what to do. Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an all-day breakfast for just £3.99.

 

I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline. A kid answered, called me a twat and told me to fuck off.

 

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

 

I just applied for a job in the Citroen factory. I had to send in 2CVs.

 

Today I was out, walking the dog, and I came across a suitcase in the woods. I opened it and found a she fox and two cubs, so I quickly phoned the RSPCA. The woman on the phone, who was truly appalled, asked me "Are they moving".
' Dont know, it would explain the suitcase'.

 

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That made me chuckle.....