A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this… "Looking for man with these qualifications ,won’t beat me up, run away from me, must be great in bed". The next day her door bell rings, she looks down on her doorstep is a man with no arms and legs. He says “Hi, I’m Bob. I have no arms so I won’t beat you up, no legs so I won’t ever run away”. She says“What makes you think you are so great in bed?” He smiles and says “how do you think I rang your fucking door bell?”
A guy has to go on business to the city, after a couple of nights he's getting bored in his hotel room so calls out for "a lady of the night" she duly arrives and asks what his pleasure is, "I'd like you to sit on top of the wardrobe and bang your foot to sound like thunder" he lays on the bed while she does this and is obviously getting aroused, "anything else" she says, "yes, with your other foot, flick the light on and off, like it's lightning, I really get off on storms" after a few minutes of doing this she says "can I do anything else" the guy jumps off the bed, hands her a jug of water and says, " flick water at me like it's raining, storms get me so horny" after ten minutes of banging her foot on the wardrobe, turning the light switch on and off and flicking the guy with water she says "well don't you want to make love to me" the guy says "what, in this fucking weather"
