People With Funny Names

While it wasn't a nickname it was, quite unbelievably, an actual name and worth retelling.

Many years ago I was working for an Indonesian bank and we were in the process of system testing a new treasury system. As part of this I was doing a tick back between reports containing customer account names. Looking down the names column I almost wet myself when I came across one particular name and I was convinced that somebody in IT had planted the name and took it into the head of trading to show him.

It was then that he told me that it was geniune and that Mr Nicetofuk actually worked at the Indonesian embassy!

 

I have but from my perspective it was somewhat disconcerting. As background I have suffered, on and off with psoriasis and as luck would have it, or not, primarily affecting my face. I'm not so comfortable with this, the long and short of it is, i found out that in a number of my colleagues phones, i was listed as "scabby".
On a lighter note, im was charge of them cunts and none of them has got a job or a reference.

 

Taught a kid who was nicknamed Flakey by the other children on account of her awful dermatitiis. She used to run up to me in the playground and hug me. Saw her years later working in a hospital kitchen. They were famous for their pastry

 

Not a nickname but real. My wife used to work with a guy called... Ewen Kerr.. just at it quick. Poor basterd

 

Must have been my schoolmate Charlie McGowan's little brother aka 'Chimp' McGowan.

 

Driving out of London East along the Commercial Road back in the 70's it always amused us to read above one Oriental restaurant on the left hand side the immortal 'Fuk Yu' - I kid you not.

Edit: Fook Yu

 

A pal had a head full of tightly curled frizzy auburn hair, even more striking than the one sported by singer Marsha Hunt. First day at Uni in '71 he was re-christened 'Marsha', soon shortened to 'Marsh'. Now he's bald, but the name sticks.

From day one an Irish regular in my local was known to everyone as Mick, for obvious reasons, and now we all call him Michael. No-one ever bothered to ask his real name. Anyway, his brother visited recently and called Michael 'Paddy' cuz his real name is Patrick!

Rob Perkins at school, aka 'Pinky' after the immortal Pinky and Perky.

Lad in our Grammar school yard gang was a dirty little fecker - like Pig Pen out of Peanuts, but dirtier - nicknamed Didi at his junior school after the Brazilian football maestro, but we immediately rechristened him one-six-five after his house number rather than allow him the privilege of a proper nickname.

Robert 'Rocket' Davies because he used to wiz around like a rocket.

Michael 'Chippy' Browell, cuz his parents ran the village Fish 'n Chip shop. Kinda obvious really.

John 'Biscuit' Kemp after Kemp's Biscuits. Went on to be headmaster at Gordonstoun.

Marsha Hunt - mother to one of Mick Jagger's kids.

 

First day at college, we were all introducing each other. The rather shy boy stood slightly away from us. Someone called over to him 'what's your name?' he didn't immediately answer. I answered 'maybe he' s no telling us cos its something strange like Eugene!!!

3 years later, nobody knew his real name, he was always called Eugene, even by the lecturers !!!

 

Back a few years ago i worked in retail and went to run a shop, heard the girls who worked there refer to "Strawberry", after some questionning which they were reluctant enough to answer, which makes me wonder to this day what i was called, turned out my predecessor had the surname Aubrey.
"Strawberry" when said with conviction sounded enough like "Mr Aubrey" to both stroke his ego and amuse the girls!

 

Many years ago, two American colleagues came over to work on a project, and one weekend we (5 of us, including the Americans) went to the Peak District for a boys weekend of hill walking and drinking.
Our nearest pub, at Monsal Head, was a converted stable block and still had (has?) the names of horses above the tables. One of our USA cousins sat at a table, and above his head was the name 'Blossom', so that became his nickname for the weekend. Surprisingly, he happily answered to Blossom for several years after, until we lost touch.
The next evening, we went back to the pub, and the other American was first seated. He sat under the much more masculine name of 'Hercules'. He was a big, hunting-shooting-fishing, build your own house on the prairie kind of a guy, so we thought he'd be pleased with the nickname Hercules. But he sat up straight, took a swig of beer and said, "My name is Mike, and I'm happy with it staying that way." He was usually very easy-going, but we took that as a warning, and he remained Mike.

 

Not quite a nickname but back in the days when I was racing at clubman level at Moto Cross I once was asked by the clerk of the course why I had ' Team Tampax' on the back of my race shirt? Coz my mates say I ride like a twat I replied! The humourless numpty told me to put another race shirt on or I wouldn't be allowed to race

 

Back in my school days there was a lad called Deighton. Obviously we called him Len after the author and he was quite happy with that. Unfortunately for him, someone found out his dad was in charge of a local sewage works. His name was immediately changed to Dogshit.
Another lad had the surname Crapper, he didn't need a nickname of course.

 

Oh, I'd completely forgotten that I once knew a guy called Thomas Parks, which shortens to Tom Parks, but Tom in Scotland becomes Tam. So he was always known as Tam Parks because it sounded very like Tampax.

 

OK then. I had very bad acne. One or two tried to call me crater face till I really lost it one day. My usual name was Fred though, taken from my middle name Frederick which was a good name because a lot of names at school could be quite cruel.

 

I had a mate when I was younger called Paul Newman, he was driving & we got a pull from plod who asked him his name, when he replied he looked at me and said 'I suppose you're Steve McQueen'

 

My nickname for the last 45 years has been "Monty" hence "StrippleMont".
I would like to say a certain part of my body resembles a python!, but not so!

Goes back to school times, kids are weird, ......I'm stuck with it!

 

Working in A&E we used names such as Annette Curtain.
You got a student nurse to call the next person in so they would be given a card with one of these names and have to shout it out in the waiting room. Most twigged after shouting it out once or twice , but still a fair few that didn't and would come back to us saying there was no answer and wondering why the waiting room inmates were laughing at him or her