This made me laugh

Blow it, let's offend everyone!.


I came out of the chip shop with a meat/potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sitting there, said, “I've not eaten for two days.”
I told him, “I wish I had your will power!”


A fat girl took a while to serve me in McDonald's at lunch time today.
She said, “Sorry about the wait.”
I said, “Don't worry dear. You might lose it eventually.”


I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop, as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said, “Any change?”
I said “No, you're still black”.


Snow in the forecast!
The TV weather girl said, she was expecting 8 inches tonight.
I thought to myself, "Fat chance with a face like that!"


An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks him,“What's wrong?”
The boy says,“Me ma is dead”.
“Oh bejaysus," the man says.
“Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?”
The boy replies,“No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on me mind at the moment..”


Years ago it was suggested, that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better !


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter-speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.


I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days, when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or a bus, and think to yourself, "I'm gonna take that!"


Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland .
He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him, “Where am I ?”
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back, "You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there."

A woman has a medical at the doctors...
“You are grossly overweight,” he says.
"I want a 2nd opinion,” she exclaims.
"OK. You're bloody ugly as well.”


That should more or less offend everyone!

 

No nothing in there to offend short people , such as Littleade

 

Hate to say it you’ve failed miserably to insult us.
Off to the dunces corner you go

 

You mean from Sunday when the Italians make you look like little boys chasing after the ice cream van

 

We'll hold you to that. Come on Italy
We will just make sure there are no children within a 10 mile radius of you.

 

If thats supposed to be an Ostrich its time I started drinking again !

 

There's nowt about Scotsmen in there, cant see it offending anyone

 

That is funny, well-written DD
Now I know what he looks like as well

Classic......... well funny!

 

I’ll have you know I’ve been like a walking desert since NewYear mate

 

That’s not an ostrich, it’s a fucking shitehawk, and a depressed one at that...

 

Tucker

 

Yep she’s a bit flat chested ........

 

So I had to say it twice