An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?” Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these 50 years, but always for a good reason. Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?' Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?” Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?" Martha asked, "Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge." "I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time." "All right," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?”
Selling biscuits at 27p, thats ASDA price Selling toys at 99p thats Fisher Price, Selling rape stories to the press, that KATIE PRICE!
O.M.G ! Crazy situation in Tesco earlier folks! A guy was standing with a bottle of Domestos shouting & swearing at a member of staff at the fruit & vegetable section. It suddenly turned ugly and the next thing the nutter poured the bottle all over the fruit! The security guards jump on him unit the coppers arrive. They then charged the him with Bleach of the Peach!
Yeah I've been to Tesco's fruit and veg section. I got absolutely soaked to the skin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . There was a MASSIVE leek ! Yeah ok I know, I won't ever ever ever post on here again !
The other day I phoned up to book some tickets for an elvis tribute act. It was annoying because it was one of those automated recordings, i had to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show . . . A black man goes into the doctors with a frog sitting on top of his head, the doctor asks "so what seems to be the problem here sir?", to which the frog replies "well i've got this big blackhead on my bum" . . . went into the barber shop and the man there asked me if I wanted a haircut.... I said no, I want them all cut. A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "my husband is home" . The man springs up and jumps out the window when he realized he was the husband.
Incredible and all done without the health and safety of today’s world. No stunt doubles either. Always preferred Buster to Chaplin personally.
